Sleepless in California

I heard it from almost EVERY parent. "Get as much sleep as you can!!" I mean, how can you really stock up on sleep before a baby? Pre-Emma, I understood that with a new baby, sleep was going to be a luxury. But c'mon, all parents do it - how hard could it be? I remember pulling all nighters, going out till 3/4am to party and still able to function at 7am (if forced) all in my early to mid 20's. Getting enough sleep was the last of my worries. Then, BOOM, April 1st happened.

And now being in the trenches with a 5.5mo old Emma, I can tell you that you REALLY don't know how important and WONDERFUL sleep is...till you're in the thick of it.

It didn't register to me that the clock for losing sleep starts when you're in the third trimester. You can't get comfortable with a giant belly or with a baby that wakes you up with kicks at nights or pushes on your bladder at nights, etc. But that's only mild disturbances of sleep - your body is getting you prepped for what's to come. Going through labor is the wake up call of losing sleep. You'd think after all the hard work of pushing out a baby, you'd be rewarded with some rest. HA. Emma said, no way - I needed to be awake every few hours and feed her. I don't think I slept longer than 3 hours at a time for that first few weeks, if at that. Adrenaline can get you so far...then you need to rely on friends and family for sleep. When you have your mother or in laws offering to watch her, pass her off and jump into bed as fast as you can!! You can get a good two hours of sleep before Emma needs your boobies you for a feeding.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and with this broken up, cat naps we called sleep, I was crabby, had bags under my eyes and got some sort of insomnia and it took me 20-30 mins to fall asleep only to be woken up within another 30 mins to feed and repeat the cycle. I think sleep deprivation is a type of torture. Adrenaline helped me to function in the beginning but what really really helped was Emma. I don't sleep and I get irritable but as soon as I go into her room to pick her up in the morning, I get this amazing smile from this happy baby that helps me forget how tired I am.

I don't know if it gets better. I've heard rumors, myths that it gets better - where we'd get a chunk of consistent sleep for a few days but those are only rumors right now. I've gotten 5 hours one night when Emma slept from 10pm to 3am - that was amazing. Another time, I got to sleep another chunk of time because I was sick. Haha Sleep has become such a luxury that the hubby was so thankful to get a full nights sleep, uninterrupted for his birthday.

When or IF it does get better, and sleeping 6/7 hours straight becomes reality, I'll look back and still be grateful for this no sleep period. The no sleep period meant I got to hold Emma while she slept or ate. I got to cry bond with her, be her support when she needed me and really experience this whole MOM thing to its fullest. (Plus, other moms are going through the same thing - misery loves company.)