Looking back, the first few months went by fast. I know at the time, each day felt like a week. The first week and a half was draining. I was supposed to be at home, bonding and recovering from being torn apart but I spent that week going back and forth from the hospital, to the labs, to NICU back home and then back to the hospital. Emma had jaundice. Since she was born a month early, she didn't learn how to suck and wasn't eating a lot - or maybe I wasn't making enough milk. Either way, she couldn't flush out the bilirubin and had to go to the hospital. Let me tell you, even though jaundice is a very common and very treatable disease, seeing your newborn wearing those "sunglasses" in a NICU incubator is so heartbreaking! I felt really bad as I was bawling in the NICU while other parents who had babies in worse condition were looking over. I'm sure they woulda traded situations in a heartbeat. Still, without comparing, just going through that makes your heart ache a bit and I don't think its terrible to feel horrible for your baby.
Emma's poor heel. |
So that was my first week - pumping, crying, visiting Emma and crying some more. I'm surprised that I didn't get sick from the lack of sleep and the stress. I could have avoided the whole ordeal if I supplemented a bit at home - and if I knew that babies needed to be woken up every 1.5 to 2 hours to eat. Emma was a month early so all she wanted to do was sleep and not eat. I thought she'd wake on her own.
Anyways, we got the green light to finally go home. After multiple doc visits, lab visits and two separate visits to the NICU, Emma was FINALLY home. The whole experience cost us around 30K (not including the 30K for the actual delivery) pre insurance. We paid a few thousand after insurance covered most of the costs. FEW thousand that could have been saved if only I knew to wake the baby and feed her, even give supplements. People these days are so crazy about breastfeeding that they think its a sin to give your baby formula. That's another post, on another day.
I learned a few things through this experience.
1. Hospitals have awesome pumps and collect as much free things they give to you. (esp. since the visits costs an arm and a leg)
2. Having a supportive husband is the most important to your sanity. Mine's a rockstar.
3. Formula is that helping hand when your boobies are dragging their feet.
4. Donut/airplane pillows are a lifesaver. I had to sit in hospital chairs and my asshole would be in so much pain without it. Seriously, hemorrhoids are the worst! (again, yes, I said it - most women will get them if they have to push a human out of their hooha)
Emma, you're welcome.
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